If you’ve ever been in love , you’d realize that the far-famed quote, ‘Love makes one blind’, is true. When I first heard the quote, it was from my high school crush who was hopelessly in love and I thought, is love a disease? At the time, I was 16 years old. It never made sense and even if it did, it was highly unrelated. Preposterous is a huge word but for a 16-year-old, not so much. How could love make someone blind? Was it a disease? What was the cure? Hate? How did it happen? Love is a beautiful thing. I know that now. But really, is it?
Love never changes, yet love in the 19th century is very different from love in the 21st century. Is it possible that we have no idea what love is or better still haven’t grasped what it means to love someone? What do you do when a relationship goes south? For first timers, it’s hell on earth. No one tells you these things, hell our parents don’t even like to talk about it. I don’t know how many parents talk to their teens about relationships but I’m pretty sure most parents in Ghana avoid the topic. My mum told me, “When you meet a girl you like and things get serious, me and her will have to talk”
Talk and Listen with your eyes
Communication is very important in every relationship. Over 80% of communication is not verbal so it helps to
notice the bored despair, and bewilderment, the treacherous pause, and the eyes darting around when he’s with you. It helps to decipher some, if not all, the coded messages in his expressions and not only what he’s saying. Everyone says I love you, but only few actually mean it and say it with emotion. Constant communication in a relationship is a necessary need. There is always the need to share and communicate if you want to stay together. Long term decisions and short-term ones always need both partners to come to a better conclusion. If it’s about whether or not to have sex or move in together, or consider marriage prospects, decisions involving the other partner must always be a shared. Most people do not realize how important this fosters a strong bond in any relationship, so they fall in love with someone who has different intentions for them. Talk! Talk!! And talk some more. The only way you can know the person you are dating is by talking and listening to what they are not saying.
Certainty/Doubt
Some relationships lead to marriage. but not all marriages come from good relationships. As a young woman, be careful of who you invest your time and emotions in. Guys ask girls out on a date all the time and the fact is, they all have different intentions. You need to be sure of what he wants. He may have just gotten out of a relationship and looking to ‘rebound’ or he may just not be looking to settle down or he may still be in love with his ex. It’s vital and essential to realize that letting him in, means you are ready for what he’s asking of you. Understanding his prospect about his earlier relationship could be helpful in premiering the kind of guy he is. No one ever presents who they really and fully are on a first date, so before you stretch him, and put him out of his confidence and his patience, allow him to prove himself. Say yes to a first date, it could be dinner, just drinks or even a walk in the park. First date doesn’t mean we are officially a couple. Allow the relationship some suspense; you don’t want to hold him off too long and you also don’t want to say yes quickly. Relationship is the one thing you can easily get wrong even with so much experience. It affirms that experience doesn’t necessary make you better at dating. If anything, experience tells you what not to do in a new relationship but that can also be wrong because what made your ex angry, could actually excite your new love. So we go back to basics, communicate. Communication is not only for married couples. The goal is to get to know your partner, to make the new-found love more exciting and adventurous.
Change is good.
Love is an adventure so give the old habits a break. Pause taking her to dinner and try something different for a change once in a while. In this case, what you want to do is be the best boyfriend/girlfriend but surprising them letting them know that you care about what makes them happy. Love is expressed not said. Be spontaneous and ready to have fun. And ladies, get with the program, he doesn’t always have to pay for the cost. I think we have grown into the ‘he’s gotta take care of me’ culture, so much that we tend to let everything fall down to the man who eventually cultivates the thought of expecting something in return. Partners share!
Slow Down, Baby. You are moving too fast!
It helps to hold off the love deep-diving until you are certain of what he wants. Be sure that clear signals delivered and received are not misread. Most young women tend to stroke a guy on even when they clearly share different interest. Relishing the idea of being with someone is far different from being with them and that is what it boils down to. Do you want to be with him? Stop leading them on if you are not interested. The emotional strain could be damaging. You cannot enjoy love for all it’s worth until you completely let go. In this case, letting go with someone who shares the same line of thought. Someone who isn’t just playing with your emotions. Some people will always take you for granted. That’s just life but with a little exercised caution, you can enjoy the relationship of your dreams. Allowing the feeling to run its course eliminates every doubt and assures you of what you really feel. The romantic dinner you just had could mislead you just as much as the heart-to-heart moment you just shared.
This/That
Be fully convinced of what you want as your partner is. If they feel threatened by your decision, shed some light on it. The reason most relationships crush is because both partners were not on the same page. There is always a conflict when you are serious with a young man who doesn’t want to get married or probably have children in the future. Sure, you can always excuse and leave it to future predictions of change but why settle when you can have someone who shares your dream. Love is not a compromise and if both partners are constantly feeling pressured with certain things, then they should by all means speak up. Love is a great thing. Sure it’s a lot of work getting past the ugly truth in your partner but the rewarding comfort and complete affection makes up for the wait and the good decisions made.